Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
