no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
