Please, let me fuck your mom
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
