Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
