Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Say something about gay babies.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You can't just leave with hair like that
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