I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
