If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
