...so i touched it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
