But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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