i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
