Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
