It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
