Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
