Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
