Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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