so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
