now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize