I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
