I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
