i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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