Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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