im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
