remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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