Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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