wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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