MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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