Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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