you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
