I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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