You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
