Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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