let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
