I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
