I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
