is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
