Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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