I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
