I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
