awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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