Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
