Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
