I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
