The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
