Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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