bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
