6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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