i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
