You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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