If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
