My underwear smells like fireworks.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
