when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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